I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
