capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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