I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What drink are we having for lunch?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
