The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize