..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
