mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
