You don't have asthma, your pregnant
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize