I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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