Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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