i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
