sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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