I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
