I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
