hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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