Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
