that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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