How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
