Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize