how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
