Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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