So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
