can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We need to get me chipped asap
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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