i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
