thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
