If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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