I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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