dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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