dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize