Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
