Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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