i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
