I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
