A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
