Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
