Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
