It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize