U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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