Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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