Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
