Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize