My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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