So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
