My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
