I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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