i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
