It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
