You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize