I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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