I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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