Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
