my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
