Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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