I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
