i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize