it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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