he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
