His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
