To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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