I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
