she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
