dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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