My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
