and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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