there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
