dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
