I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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