My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
