he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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