thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize