there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
