At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
