If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
