i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
