You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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