i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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