I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
