Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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