TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
