he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
COCAINE IS GR8
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
