I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize