I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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