so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
