I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
