and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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